Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Update for those I'm not in regular contact with:

About a year ago (July 2008), Jake decided it was time to make a career change. He moved from our home in Heber, Utah to Norco, California (Riverside county, for those not familiar with Horsetown USA - I'm not trying to be funny, this is the town's official nickname). I stayed behind, got the house sold and packed up, and followed him two months later. My sister Susie and her husband Christian generously offered to let us stay with them while Jake trained and awaited his permanent placement. We said "we'll be here four to six months, max. Things will move quickly." Expecting to be gone by the end of the year, Jake hurriedly completed his training hours, studied his butt off for his federal and state licensing exams, passed both, got licensed...and then - NOTHING. I got pregant last fall, thinking for sure we would be moved and settled into our new home before I was out of the pukey first trimester. Nope. I deliver this kid in five weeks, and here we are still.

To further complicate matters, Jake was assigned back in March to "help out" at a building in a small town near Sacramento (450 miles away, for those not familiar with California's geography). We weren't thrilled about the location (thinking it might end in a permanent placement), but we were eager to get settled somewhere, anywhere. Jake started flying up on Monday mornings, and returning home Friday nights. Weeks quickly turned into months. We are coming up on three months now of this fun "commute." I kept hoping one day Jake would call and say "its official, let's get you guys moved up here." But the call never came. Keep in mind we are still living with my poor sister and her family.

About a week ago, we finally received some news. Yes! Except it wasn't really that great. Jake will continue to commute to Sacramento for another few weeks, and then be down here for the birth of the baby. At least I know where I will be delivering the baby. I was starting to think I was going to deliver him in a stable. Having completely overstayed our welcome here at the Demke's, we are currently looking for a place to live, month-to-month, until Jake receives a permanent placement. My patience is so long gone. While I am extremely grateful that Jake has a job, I am so frustrated!! I have zero control over the placement situation, which is really hard for me to accept because I like to have control over everything (not like world domination control, just control over everything in my own life). I know there are lessons the Lord wants me to learn from all of this (probably humility and patience), and I know I am not doing a very good job learning those things. I just want it all to be over.

In other Beaman news - I'm having a baby in 5 weeks! Hooray! Despite everything else going on, we are so excited to welcome our second son, Micah, to the world on July 8 (7/8/09 - yes, I did plan that). I am hoping he will be another easy, mellow, content little guy, but I don't expect to be that lucky. This pregnancy has been harder than my last in a lot of ways, (not helped by the previously explained situation), but it has gone by so fast! Too fast, seeing as how we are still homeless! With Wyatt, we assumed everything was as healthy as could be, and then everything fell apart right at the end. With Micah, we've been assuming things can go wrong at any moment, but so far everything is perfect. I have to go to two or three appointments each week, but it brings me so much peace of mind. I'm a little worried about going from one child to two, but this time around, I know how precious and fun (in a weird, sleep-sapping, energy-draining way) new babies are. I am so excited!

Sitting, waiting, wishing. Jack's been there, he knows how I feel. I'm trying to go with the flow, enjoy the ride, but its hard to not be able to plan for the future. At the same time, I do recognize how blessed I am, and I am grateful for those blessings. I have faith the Lord has a plan for us, I just wish I knew what it was. I'll keep you posted if things change. In the mean time, any words of advice?

Welcome

Okay, I finally gave in.

One of my most recent New Year's resolutions was to set up a blog. That was six months ago. I wanted to record the story of our lives (since I stink at regular journaling), and have a way to keep friends and family posted. So in true Erin fashion, here I am finally getting it set up. Better late than never.

I have a few issues to get past in order for this to work. First and foremost, I am lazy and a procrastinator. Anyone who knows me (well) will vouch for this. Blogs only hold others' interest as long as there are regular, entertaining posts. I'm not so good at regular or entertaining (see next paragraph). I suppose my advice to anyone intending to follow this blog is this: don't check here too often, I can't promise there will be anything new to read.

As for entertaining, well, that's my second issue with having a blog - I'm not. My friends and family who have blogs are excellent writers, their posts so easily bring me to tears and laughter. I feel self conscious about putting myself and my self expression out there for the users of the world wide web to judge.

So why a blog? Because I have an amazing, blessed life, and it is racing by so fast that it makes me ache with sadness and longing that time would just slow down already so I can enjoy each moment! Being pregnant with my second child brings flashbacks of my first pregnancy with Wyatt, and I find that I remember so little of all the highs and lows of the two years in between. And that breaks my heart.

The journal of Us. I want to capture all of it. I know that's not possible, but I will try to create our record of the time we have together as a young family - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Thanks for coming along!