I want to start by saying that I am incredibly grateful to be pregnant. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t say a prayer of thanks for my pregnancy and the blessing of being a mother. However, there are times, usually at 4 am while I am munching on my eighth round of Tums and can’t fall back asleep, that I mentally come up with lists like the one below. So with tongue firmly in cheek, I write this post. PS Jake is probably going to be very embarrassed by this; he doesn’t like it when I talk about hemorrhoids. Sorry honey!
Pregnancy ABC’s
A- Aches, Acne
B- Barfing, Belching, Bleeding gums, Bladder spasms
C- Constipation, Cravings, Contractions
D- Diarrhea (when not constipated…is there no happy medium?), Depression, Dizziness
E- Ear Stuffiness, Engorged breasts (okay, technically post-pregnancy)
F- Farts, Forgetfulness, Facial hair (Don’t pretend like I’m the only one!)
G- Gas. Gas. Gas.
H- Hemorrhoids, Heartburn, Hormones, Hunger, Hot flashes, How did my mother do this 6 times?
I- Itchy abdomen
J- Jealousy of husband who can sleep soundly through the night without awaking every hour due to any/all of the following: heartburn, achy back/hips/pelvis/shoulder, need to pee, leg cramps, thirst, worry, hunger, no good reason
K- Klutziness (I know that’s not how you spell it, but I had to get a little creative with some letters)
L- LOVE! Indescribable, humbling, overwhelming love (isn’t this why we put up with the rest?)
M- Morning sickness, Moodiness
N- Nothing fits!
O- Occasional loss of bladder control
P- Pelvic girdle pain (ouch!)
Q- umm, I can’t really think of a “q”
R- Rude comments from others
S- Stretchmarks, Swelling of everything!, Sleeplessness
T- Tums, Tired all the time
U- Urination – every 30 minutes, Ugly/Unflattering maternity jeans
V- Varicose Veins (double word score!)
W- Waddling, Weight gain, Walrus-like proportions, Wider: hips, feet, nose (WHY?), butt, belly, chest, arms…
X- The only real words I know that start with “x” are xenophobe, and xylophone, and neither of those work, so I am going with “X-cellent sense of smell”
Z- ZZZ’s-I miss getting mine!
Now I’ve learned my ABC’s, next time won’t they leave me be!
I found this little gem while cleaning out my pictures on the computer. This was taken about 2 weeks before I had Wyatt. I'm the one on the left. This dress really isn't as flattering as I thought.
Pregnancy ABC’s
A- Aches, Acne
B- Barfing, Belching, Bleeding gums, Bladder spasms
C- Constipation, Cravings, Contractions
D- Diarrhea (when not constipated…is there no happy medium?), Depression, Dizziness
E- Ear Stuffiness, Engorged breasts (okay, technically post-pregnancy)
F- Farts, Forgetfulness, Facial hair (Don’t pretend like I’m the only one!)
G- Gas. Gas. Gas.
H- Hemorrhoids, Heartburn, Hormones, Hunger, Hot flashes, How did my mother do this 6 times?
I- Itchy abdomen
J- Jealousy of husband who can sleep soundly through the night without awaking every hour due to any/all of the following: heartburn, achy back/hips/pelvis/shoulder, need to pee, leg cramps, thirst, worry, hunger, no good reason
K- Klutziness (I know that’s not how you spell it, but I had to get a little creative with some letters)
L- LOVE! Indescribable, humbling, overwhelming love (isn’t this why we put up with the rest?)
M- Morning sickness, Moodiness
N- Nothing fits!
O- Occasional loss of bladder control
P- Pelvic girdle pain (ouch!)
Q- umm, I can’t really think of a “q”
R- Rude comments from others
S- Stretchmarks, Swelling of everything!, Sleeplessness
T- Tums, Tired all the time
U- Urination – every 30 minutes, Ugly/Unflattering maternity jeans
V- Varicose Veins (double word score!)
W- Waddling, Weight gain, Walrus-like proportions, Wider: hips, feet, nose (WHY?), butt, belly, chest, arms…
X- The only real words I know that start with “x” are xenophobe, and xylophone, and neither of those work, so I am going with “X-cellent sense of smell”
Z- ZZZ’s-I miss getting mine!
Now I’ve learned my ABC’s, next time won’t they leave me be!
I found this little gem while cleaning out my pictures on the computer. This was taken about 2 weeks before I had Wyatt. I'm the one on the left. This dress really isn't as flattering as I thought.
4 comments:
That was so funny! You should do one on post pregnancy and nursing in a few months. That would be funny too.
I personally love it when you talk about hemorrhoids.
Also, i can't believe you used the f-word (FA**). I make kurt say 'traf' (that's the f-word spelled backwards) because that word is outlawed--eewww! But I know what you mean....sadly.
what do you mean you aren't an entertaining writer? are you kidding? that was awesome! and tell jake that hemmorhoids are just part of every day talk once you have a baby. much like boobs and sex after you get married. it's just part of life. and why shouldn't we get to talk about one of the most horrible parts of pregnancy?? it's our RIGHT! i have just one other thought...your loss of bladder control is occasional? lucky. :)
Then why are you standing to the side? BTW, I think it IS flattering. You did look uncommonly small with him, you little traf.
The sad thing is how many of these have stuck around after having four. Hmm... I won't go into details in such a public forum.
Eww, my secret word is awful. Retchnat. Who comes up with these?
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