I apologize in advance for the whining...

I need a little vent today. I will eventually get to the posts about family life with pictures and fun stuff, but not today. Today I need to talk about Micah. And this is long winded and more than a little boring, so consider yourself warned. 


OK. So, Micah is my challenge. We have established this, yes? He is as extremely happy and charming and hilarious as he is angry and sad and frustrating. He is just extreme. But his emotions come and go quickly, and I'm used to the moods. NBD. But he is also my challenge in that he has been delayed in every area developmentally. I had an inkling something might be wrong around the time of his first birthday, but decided to wait it out and see. By the time he started walking at 20 months, I knew something was wrong and started pushing to get him evaluated. I was told to wait and see, and then wait and see some more. He still wasn't talking by 2, so at that time I was finally able to get an assessment. I was told that he had speech and motor delays, and we were approved to get speech therapy started. We started speech therapy in September. I was so hopeful that we would finally start to see improvements. After a some initial improvements in his non-verbal communication (eye contact, etc), I feel like we have completely stalled. It got to the point where I would leave every therapy session overwhelmed with anxiety and crying the whole 30 minute drive home. It is so hard to feel like I am working so hard on something (getting Micah to talk and meet his speech goals), and no matter what I do, NOTHING HAPPENS. He meets none of his goals, in fact his goals are often revised to be less ambitious, and then he doesn't meet those goals either. Let me put it this way: when he was first evaluated he was given a developmental age of 12-15 months (he was 25 months at the time, so a 50% delay). At his 6 month review (when he was 31 months), he was given a developmental age of 12-15 months. The same as he was 6 months prior. He has gone from a "moderate delay" to a "significant delay." We started doing more speech therapy and still nothing. Its so hard to go to class and see kids who are just starting the program, barely two years old and making these huge leaps in their abilities. I feel like every time I go to his class I leave with more bad news and feeling more discouraged than ever. I have been having terrible anxiety, especially on the days he has class.  And just to be clear, the speech therapist is wonderful and sensitive and kind and capable and none of this is about her. I really think she is a good fit for Micah and me. She has been really helpful. 


After about a month or two in her program, she started expressing concerns about his physical development. But because everything is hard to get approved and get moving, it was only today that he finally had his physical therapy evaluation. His initial evaluation showed that he had delays in this area as well, but I was pushing so hard to get the speech therapy approved, I didn't push for PT services as much as I should have (nothing gets approved unless you fight hard for it). Anyway, his physical development (large motor skills) is at 16 months. Also, 50% delay. She said this qualifies him for PT services, and I was so excited. And then I felt bad because I was excited that my kid is so badly off that he needs this therapy. I mean, obviously I don't want him to be delayed, but he IS, so I was just happy that he is approved for services. Both the PT and the SLP (speech) have also recommended occupational therapy (small motor skills), but I don't want to overwhelm Micah. 


The services are currently being paid for by the state, but the services are only available to kids under three. Once he turns three, the case is turned over to the school district. It is notoriously difficult to get services through the district. There is no money and programs are getting cut all over the place because of the continuous budget cuts. His social worker (manages his case, coordinates services and evaluations), his speech therapist and the physical therapist have all given me reason to believe that he will continue to qualify for for services through the district once he turns three. Again, I shouldn't be happy about this, but I am. 


The one bright spot is that everyone he has met with has been very quick to tell me that he does not have autism. Which really does put my mind at ease. Micah is extremely affectionate and loving, so that is why autism has been ruled out. There is no diagnosis for what is going on, other than that he is delayed. We have more extensive evaluations coming up in May, and I am hoping to get some more answers as to what is going on and what I can expect in terms of future progress.


I'm just so frustrated right now because I feel like none of the work and effort that we are all putting in is doing any good whatsoever. The pediatric developmental specialist (M.D.) that did his initial evaluation told me that we would likely start to see big improvements after 3-4 months of treatment. It has been 7 months and we have seen hardly any improvement. I am starting to get really discouraged and feeling like this is all a huge waste of time. Jake pointed out that at least I know I have done everything I can, which the logical part of me knows is true. This does give me some peace of mind. But its so hard not blame myself and torture myself and ask over and over and over "what am I doing wrong??? What am I NOT doing???" Its hard not to take responsibility for Micah's behavior. But I'm his mother for crying out loud. Its what I do. I just can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault and that there was something, somewhere that I did or didn't do that screwed him up. I feel like a terrible mom. I have to tell myself constantly that this isn't the case, and maybe if I say it enough I will start to believe it.


And yes, I KNOW that things could be far worse. That I really have it easy compared to other kids and other families. There are an infinite number of things that could be going on in my life or going on with my kids that are so much more serious and scary and difficult. I know that, and I am truly, truly grateful that things aren't worse. I know they could be. But this is my life and my kids and I want them to be happy and well and complete and whole, and its hard for me that they aren't. So I don't need to be reminded that "it could be worse." I know that. I know I am being overdramatic and blowing things out of proportion, but when it comes to my kids, thats kind of the direction I always take. I'm working on it. 


There really is no point of this post except for me to whine and complain and maybe someone reading this has some wonderful experience where you/your sister/your friend/anyone you know was in a similar situation and everything ended up perfect and wonderful and the child was totally caught up to his/her peers after a few years? Anyone? Anyone? I really do appreciate when people tell me stories with good endings. And maybe that would help me remember that I am not an awful mom and doing everything wrong and that all my efforts are not in vain. Because most of the time I'm not so sure. 

Halloween x 4

We love Halloween. Its my second favorite holiday. 


The first of the four parties was our church "Trunk or Treat." I'm a flapper, Jake is Bert, Wyatt is Lightning McQueen, Micah is a cowboy, and Gigi is a kitty cat.

Georgia wasn't too sure about the crazy looking dude who was holding her. Although she didn't like me too much, either. She kept staring at my wig, and poking my lips. She's never seen me with lipstick on, and was quite fascinated by it. 


Suspicious Georgia:

Wyatt was super excited to be Lightning McQueen, but for pictures, he kept pulling this very somber expression. I guess he takes his role of Piston Cup winner very seriously. Micah LOVED dressing up like a cowboy. I was so surprised that he would get that into it.

Next we had the preschool party. 

The cuteness of preschoolers in Halloween costumes is almost more than I can take.

After the preschool party, we went straight to Jake's work. Jake has a different costume here. He's a...hmm. A redneck BP oil spill guy? With a mullet? 

This is one of Jake's coworkers. Gi was so tired by the time we got there. She just cuddled up with her the whole time.

And finally, trick or treating. Since we have lived here, we have never had any trick or treaters come to our house. We thought that our neighborhood was just super boring. We asked around for good neighborhoods to go, and everyone told us about this neighborhood just south of us. Holy crap a moly. It turns out, no one goes to our neighborhood, because everyone in our town and the neighboring towns goes to this one particular neighborhood. I have never experienced anything like it. Thousands of people. Every house decorated all out. It was crazy. I can't even describe it. Anyway, after the second or third house, Wyatt got scared by some big boys (MEAN), and decided he was done with trick or treating. Done. There was no convincing him otherwise. He took off Lightning McQueen, and rode in the stroller. Micah, on the other hand, loved going to all the houses. We went with some friends, and their daughter and Micah had a great time getting candy from lots of very spooky houses. 

Georgia could barely keep her eyes open after about 10 minutes. It was a long day. 

Hopefully next year, Wyatt will be willing to give trick or treating another try. The day after Halloween, he was telling me that he wanted to go trick or treating, and that he wanted to carve more pumpkins. He really did love Halloween, and so did Micah for that matter. They had a great time, and I am already excited for next year!

Pumpkin Patch

We forced our kids to go the pumpkin patch. We had exactly one day that we could go that worked with our schedules, so even though two of our children were sick and miserable, we went anyway. There was a lot of crying and whining, but you can't even tell in the pictures, right? As long as life looks happy in pictures, that's all that matters. 

Pictures from October

The reason I've been posting all these random pictures is because I was going through my pictures the other day, and realized just how much my kids change month to month. Because I see them every day, I don't notice, but I wanted to document it for my sake and for my family. 

We call Georgia the baby orangutan. Her hair is finally starting to grow in, but it grows straight out of her head. She won't let me put hair bands or bows in her hair anymore, so she just has crazy hair all the time. Its adorable. 

These two play together a lot while Wyatt is at school. They are really turning into buddies. Micah is actually nice to Georgia now, and doesn't beat her up or try to kill her anymore. I love their giant heads and tiny bums. 

 Another thing I realized while going through pictures? My house is a disaster. All the time. OK, I actually already knew that without having to go through pictures. But I did realize that I have no shame taking pictures of my kids with my house in its post-explosion state. You can all feel better about your own homes now. You're welcome. 

From looking at my pictures, you would think Micah lives in his high chair. This is sort of true. The kid does like to eat, but its also the only time he is holding still, and I can get a  picture of him looking at the camera. 

Baby orangutan, showing her teeth:

Georgia likes to say "hi! hi! hi!" all the time. And wave. I was trying to get her to say it here, but she wasn't really cooperating. But the video was cute, so here you go. 

David and Laura Get Married

On September 18, my brother David got married! We were so excited to welcome his beautiful bride Laura into our family. They are such a wonderful couple, and it was a great weekend.

First, we attended the Hmong wedding. It was great to meet so many members of Laura's family, and see the traditions of her culture.

Laura and David:

With my parents:

Me with David and Susie

I love these boys. I love them.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone ties a piece of yarn around the wrists of the bride and groom and wishes them a blessing. Their wrists were covered in yarn. There were a lot of blessings! 

And then we ate.

And ate.

The next day was the American wedding.


Georgia loved being held by her aunt Heather:

David with my parents:

My family:

Isn't this what YOU do while waiting for a wedding to begin?

My dad performed the ceremony:

David and my mom walking down the aisle:

My brother Daniel (groomsman) walking down the aisle:

My niece Whitley (flower girl) walking down the aisle:

Pretty girl!

The beautiful bride with her father:

David and Laura at the altar:

Um, and then I didn't actually get any pictures after this point. I got too caught up in the excitement, I guess. So, no pictures of the happy couple after they were actually married. 


It was such a nice wedding. I am so happy for David and Laura. Laura is such a amazing woman, so kind, loving, intelligent, talented and fun. I can't think of anyone more perfect for my brother and I am just so thrilled that she is part of our family now. 

From September

Its all fun and games

 Until someone starts to cry.