I'm just starting to get to know Micah. I was talking to another new mom the other day, explaining our family's situation over the last year, and how we ended up here, and it got me thinking. I was kind of in a daze until just a few weeks ago. Right after Micah was born, the crazy hormones and recovery from delivery had me weepy, depressed, and overwhelmed. Just as that started to subside, Jake was transferred here, I became a single mom again, and Micah started his 3 month tour of Scream-Fest 2009. Colicky babies have a way of sucking the life out of everyone within earshot. I think I cried as much as Micah. And then we had to move. And the weepy, depressed and overwhelmed continued. I was barely keeping it together. You know how in swimming, when you have to hold a brick over your head and tread water for 10 minutes? I felt like that, only someone kept adding bricks to my load. And the water I was swimming in was the Sea of Depression and Anxiety. I felt like at any moment my legs were going to give out and I was going to get sucked in. I didn't particularly want to add post-partum depression to my list of Crap I Don't Want To Deal With Right Now, But I Have To Anyway, so I kept fighting to keep my head above the water. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I didn't even realize how down I was until a few weeks after the colic magically disappeared, I got my husband back, and my fog lifted. I'm not going to beat myself up for not being fully present during that time. I did the best I could. Suffice it to say, we're all feeling better now, and I am finally getting to know my son. And I have to tell you, he is delightful! What a charmer! I just can't get enough of this cutie pie!
His looks have really changed since he was born. He looks like me! Well, parts of me anyway. What an ego trip! I love it. His favorite thing is to stare at me. And stare. And stare and stare and stare, until I look at him, and then he breaks out a huge grin. And a laugh. I'm telling you, I feel like a rockstar when I am in his presence. I am the MOST fascinating person in the world to him. He can't get enough of me. My favorite time of day is in the morning, after he wakes up and nurses, and before Wyatt wakes up. We just hang out in my bed, flirting and laughing and smiling at each other. I'm always tired (NOT a morning person), but I love having that time with him. It totally makes the months of crying (mine) and screaming (his) worth it.
In addition to being perfectly adorable, he is very strong. This kid is going to be walking a month from now. Okay, of course not, but he is very strong. And determined. He rolls all over the place, stands every chance he gets. He is ticklish, and has such a silly belly laugh. I know this is turning into an obnoxious proud mama post. I'm sorry. Its not like he has turned out to be an easy baby, far from it. He is still a challenge. But his sweetness and cuddliness are shining through now, and I'm finally in a place where I can enjoy him. So indulge me while I brag and gush.
I'm so thankful for my little Micah Bean. I love that kid so much it hurts. I can't get enough of him. We had a rough start, but I wouldn't trade a minute. He is the perfect addition to our family. I love you Micah!
8 comments:
Every word you've said about him is true. He is such a cute little guy and has a great belly laugh!
It was so fun to be able to visit your family on Veteran's Day. We had so much fun. It's true that your house is kind of funky, but it's in the most amazing location. You just can't beat being able to walk down to the beach from you house in less than 5 minutes and go poking around in the tide pools.
Love you, Mom
I didn't know he was colicky. Yuck! If you're not totally out of it, give "gripe water" a try. I have heard several great recommendations lately. It's for him, they have it at Walgreens, and its for colic. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll bring you some for Thanksgiving.
And I understand what you mean about not knowing how low you are until you're out of it. Among other things, your sanity, sleep, and normal moods, you lose your perspective, which is I think why most moms don't think they need "help" until it is either too late, or has passed. Only once you reenter the real world, do you see how bad things were and are kind of amazed that you made it...
Now I want a sweet little babe! I'd have to find a husband first.. :) I absolutely LOVE that last pic. So cute! He does look like you!
I am now bemoaning the fact the computers don't have tickle-that-babies-belly-O-vision.
I'm glad you are feeling better and you both came out of it cute and happy!
My second had colic for 2 months and I was a wreck. We never did find out why he had it. It just went away on it's own all of a sudden. I swear the lack of sleep made me crazy. With my first I was so depressed the first 4 months and he was my easiest baby by far. I agree with our sister, it's amazing how we get though it. He's so cute! You're right, he looks so much like you.
I love you and your sweet boys. You are such a strong person and an amazing mom. What a great perspective on the trials and optimistic view of the bright future.
That was a really sweet post, Erin. You've had a rough start, and rough recoveries, and WAY too many things to deal with at once. Glad you're over the worst of it and can catch your breath. You are so strong. Always have been. And Micah...OH. MY. GOSH. Those eyes...I can see why you're so smitten!!
Micah is a beautiful baby! I love his clear, dark brown eyes.
Just an hour ago I was telling Kurt about how this afternoon I was reliving my postpartum madness with Gavin and the word I used was 'crippling'. The depression, the anxiety, was ab-so-lutely crippling. It was seriously living hour to hour with that maniacal screaming baby. And just like you, I really had no idea what a nutcase I was until I got normal again and realized, Wo. I can also relate to moving, not knowing what city in the world you're going to live in as your belongings are being packed up, with a newborn in your arms and toddlers running around making you crazy. These are stressful times. I feel for you these past few months! It seems like you went through it and no one really knew how bad it was till after the fact. Email a girl so I can be there for you! :) I'm glad you're feeling better and can enjoy your baby. He's precious!
Post a Comment